Dating the Less Than Sane

So I've talked about how I want you to propose to me, but I can see you thinking. I can hear the thoughts in your head:"Who is this girl? Why should I propose when we haven't even been on a date? And how should I go about this date?" Never you fear. I will tell you all you need to know about a first date with me.

First of all, if you want an actual date you must ask at least three days in advance. I once said yes to a young man ten minutes before he picked me up, but realized later that I'm not that desperate. I don't care if I have nothing going on, advance notice is necessary. I may be spontaneous and random, but dating should have the three Ps, Planned, Paid for, and Paired off. And ten minutes before is not very well planned.

As for the activity of the first date, I don't really have any opinions. Well, that's not entirely true. I would like to do something that we will both enjoy. Because if we were meant to be we might never know if the first date doesn't go smoothly. After all first dates can't lead to second dates if I decide that you are an idiot. Therefore it is important that we do something where we can actually enjoy the company, and not be feeling awkward about the activity.

One thing that will be important to remember on this date is that if I'm uncomfortable with you I will probably not talk to you much. If I like you I might not talk much, although I have been working on that. If I find the situation awkward I will talk and talk and talk. Or laugh. Although if I'm comfortable with the situation I will talk and talk and talk as well. And laugh. The thing to remember about me is what I'm talking about. If I trust you I will talk about me. If I like you, I will try to remember to find out more about you and invite you into the conversation. If I barely met you I will let you ask the questions and will merely answer.

This is the key to understanding a date with me. Have I opened up to you? Have berated you with stories of past crushes and sisters, or did we discuss current events and issues. If the former I'm probably putting up my safety net and don't want you to get too close. Not that I won't ever trust you and let you close, just that I don't currently want to let you in. I imagine that if someone can get past my blocks they would become very close to me. But no one has ever tried before.

If you still are interesting in asking me out, please be reminded that I will need time to respond. I will most likely say yes. There are few circumstances that will merit a no. These are if I deem you creepy, which doesn't happen often. If I am currently dating someone, I will say no. I'm not going to be a two-timing cheat. Although two-timing cheat is quite amusing to say. But I digress. If you are interested in finding out more about this eccentric young women just let me know and ask me out.

Love Always,

The Less Than Sane

I have previously mentioned having a list of last names I won't marry. As a relatively conservative, sentimental, traditional girl I plan on taking my husband's name. And as a lover of names, I want as many options as possible to name my future children. Plus there are certain initials that I don't want to have, although thankfully they can't possibly make an extremely offensive word. Although having a vowel for a middle initial does provide for many opportunities for pronounceable initials.

An important factor in knowing if your name is on my list of impossibilities is ease of spelling. I was born with a difficult to spell last name, and I always planned on one day having a simpler last name. I'd even be okay with a overly common name like Smith or Jones after a life time of always having to correct people with my maiden name. So if your name can easily be spelled by the pronunciation, you are probably fine.

More important that easily being spelled by the pronunciation is the ease of pronunciation based on spelling. If I look at your last name, will I be able to pronounce it? Will a telemarketer? Will the policeman calling our children to let them know we are dead? If it can be easily pronounced just by looking at it, I will likely approve it.

There are of course exceptions to the above rules. While they are the most important factors, I do have several names on my list that do not violate either rule. Such as Potter. I will not marry a man named Potter. I just can't bear to have my sister suggesting Harry as a name for every single child. Or James. Or Lily. Or Albus.

Potter does land itself on my list for another reason as well. I can't marry someone whose last name begins with P. It is the one thing that is somewhat offensive that can be made with my current initials. I would have to keep my maiden name as a middle name. Which would of course not solve my problem of having a difficult to spell name. You see, if I marry a man whose surname begins with P, I will essentially become JAP, which I definitely do not want. I don't want to offend anyone, and those initials most certainly will when I become a published author of children's fiction, signing my name with only initials. So to all the wonderful young men who have a P for their last initial, I'm sorry. And if I ever actually meet one of you, you might be able to change my mind on this matter.

Now that we've got the general guidelines for your last name out of the way, let's get down to the actual list. I won't list all the names, as there are far too many. that being said, I haven't actually met anyone with most of these names, just heard rumors of the name. For instance, I will not have a name like Slaughter, Kill, Hate, or Coward or related seeming names. I also will not marry one named Hooker, although that would be kind of fun. Then again I am the girl who decided that a name book was awesome and bought solely because it suggested naming a child Hooker. I give you this example as one that I may not always have the best name judgment. But what I lack in class, I make up for in rules.

A few names that I won't marry are on the list due to the annoyingness of a young man or two I've met with the last name. These include Guest, Brow, Taylor and a few others that I'm sure I'm forgetting. These names are the lowest on the list of do not marry, and as such will be the easiest for you to convince me to ignore. For instance, despite the annoying Taylor, I have considered marrying another man with the last name of Taylor. Of course I was a freshman in college and the nonexistent relationship prevented me from ever having to decided if the List was more important than love. But I'm not sure if it would have.

I do also have a list of names that it would be awesome to have. But it's very short, and I have no goal of marrying every name on this list. After all, that would just be wrong on so many multiple levels. But the last names it would be awesome to have is the following: Ott. Yes just one. But how awesome would it be for me to be Julie Ott.

Love Always,

The Less Than Sane