Dating the Less Than Sane

As a girl I loved to try to imagine my future. And I also loved to make lists about it. I had lists about the qualities I require in my future husband. Lists of possible first dance songs. Lists of last names I refuse to have. Lists of days I will not say yes to a marriage proposal on. Yes, I have a list of days that I refuse to be proposed to on.

Some have asked if I'm flexible on these. The answer depends on who is proposing, how they are proposing, and where they are proposing. With my sisters at the point where they are only coming to my wedding if they are still alive, I can't be too picky. But at the same time I have to be discriminating. I can't just marry someone who doesn't know me well enough. It is for this reason that I have put the following rules in effect.

I will not wed myself to a man who proposes to me on my birthday. This says that he loves me so much that he want to give himself to me. Or that he's too cheap to give me something romantic. Or that he was at a loss and couldn't think of anything else to give. Seriously? If we've been dating long enough that you think I'll say yes, you should know me well enough to know that a romantic gift to me doesn't have to cost a lot. It doesn't have to be the most incredibly thought out gift, although it should be thought out. Also please note that my birthday includes whatever day you decide to take me out for dinner in celebration of my birthday, not just the actual date of my birth celebration.

Similarly, I won't marry you if you ask on your birthday. Which I'll know before we even start dating if we were friends. And I will find out really quickly after we start dating if I didn't know it before. I will not marry one so controlling as to ask me to give myself to him for his birthday. I realize of course that it may be a romantic gesture and all, but honestly I'm not that girl. I will give you something well thought out for your birthday. Do not ask for my hand on your birthday. Enough said.

Thanksgiving. Yes I'm grateful for our relationship. Yes I probably love you and will probably marry you. But I don't like thanksgiving because it reminds me of my family traditions I grew up with. I don't want to be reminded that those traditions will never happen again. So unless you want me to start crying out of sadness, homesickness, and longing don't ask me to marry you on Thanksgiving. And if you do want to see me crying for any reason other than joy I wonder how I could be so blind as to letting the relationship get this far. Thanksgiving is for giving thanks, not getting upset over what you don't have and will never have. Or at least not in the way you wanted it.

Christmas is a time for giving, not a time for proposing. If you even think of proposing on Christmas or Christmas Eve I will probably want to strangle you. And I'm not even a violent person. So I don't think that you should consider this as an appropriate option. Christmas is for being with family and meeting family and possibly introducing a soon-to-be family member. But don't propose. That puts me in an awkward position of having to accept or decline with anxious family members looking on. Maybe not literally, but they are awaiting the news even if they don't witness the proposal. You haven't met my sisters, I don't want to be in that position with my family. And I hardly even know your family.

New Years is such a cliché time to propose. I'm not a cliché, I don't want my proposal to be either. I only plan on being proposed to once, and I want it to be mine, not belonging to the world of cliché. Also there are generally lots of balloons popping around midnight, which is the most logical time to pop the question on new years. I hate balloons popping and will likely be hiding out it the ladies room, where few will follow to startle me with balloons.

While on the topic of clichés, Valentines day is out as well. A holiday devoted to love and romance is all well and good, but marriage is not only love and romance. Therefore the proposal should not pretend that it is in any way, shape, or form. This is not to say that I don't want a romantic proposal, I absolutely do. But proposing romantically is not the same as saying marriage is always romantic. And I'm as sentimental as the next girl, maybe even more so depending on who she is, but propose on a day that has meaning to us, not the rest of the world.

Finally do not propose on April Fools Day. I've heard of such a thing and don't want to wonder all my life if you married me just because of a far too elaborate practical joke. And I don't wan you to wonder about my response either. So in order to avoid confusion please refrain from asking me to marry you on this day. However you are more than welcome to ask me to pretend to be your fiancé for the day. I've always wanted to pull off that prank and haven't been able to yet.

I'm honestly not that particular about when you propose to me. As long as I know you love me and I love you I'll probably say yes. These eight days I have listed are merely guidelines, leaving you 357 days that I'm okay with being proposed to on. And by the time we have been dating long enough for you to propose you will know so many of my quirks that you aren't even going to care that I have a list of days not to propose to me on.

Love always,

The Less Than Sane